 Where there is love ... there is hope !
Jennifer's mother was indeed right about her daughter's
ability to endure ... Jennifer was cracking under the
strain - but she was wrong in her assessment of her daughter's
willingness to inflict that ultimate of all agonies on me (and on herself) by
acquiescing to her demands to "brutally murder our young love".
Jennifer was not even willing to let it linger there on death-row ... any longer !
 1979
- My Mermaid and I are wed:
In June of 1979, not quite a year after she left South Africa (and me),
Jennifer, who was now working in Canada and busily saving her money,
took some of her savings, bought an air-line ticket and flew back from Canada
to South Africa, against her mother's wishes, and just
2 weeks later we
were married ! Still a student and having sold my car and my
stereo to pay for my visit with Jennifer in Canada and for all
those phone calls, now left with some $200, we just
could not afford an elaborate wedding. So Jennifer and I
walked around Cape Town searching for a hat and bouquet.
Choosing Yellow ribbons (as the old song goes) and yellow
flowers, dress, shirt and tie somehow seemed appropriate
given the circumstances of our love. Then with her dressed in
her $30 yellow dance dress, with a few of our university friends present, one of
whom was taking the photos, we pledged our vows of "undying love"
in the old stone church right next to her university residence, on our old campus ... back again at UCT !
I would have loved to have bought Jennifer a fancy wedding
dress - but financing a wedding without the involvement of
parents (as a student) meant I couldn't afford much of
anything really. However, Jennifer just smiled and told me
that she had come back all this way to marry me and after all
that our love had been through, she could not be bothered much
about a dress. I promised her that somehow I would make
it up to her one day and, as you will see later, I did find a
rather unique way of delivering on that promise.
I wish I had someone take a picture of our re-union at Cape
Town's international airport as Jennifer stepped off the plane
that Sunday morning,
arriving via New York ... and into my waiting arms. Anyhow, it is forever etched into my memory.
I remember distinctly thinking ... as we hugged and kissed and
hugged again and held each other, her arms around my neck, my
arms around her waist, not wanting to let go, quite literally
dancing a most joyous dance imaginable - amid the laughter and the tears of absolute
relief and joy, that I had forgotten quite how small and
light she had always
felt in my arms ... it had been a while. Funny what
goes through your mind at a time like that, but those feelings
and that thought seem forever connected in my memories.
Whenever I think about our re-union, that's what pops into my
mind. Since I had long since sold my car to pay for my
visit to Canada and the many phone calls, a longtime girlfriend of ours
drove me to the airport, waiting there with me for
the plane to arrive, and was thus witness to our re-union. She would describe it, later, as
"The purest expression of Joy possible" ... it was !
It was the exact opposite of that very traumatic
farewell scene that had played out at this same airport, a
year or so prior. Our love affair, once again, had come full
circle. Well, I do believe in " happy endings
" ... I have had a few - But this was one of the very
best happy endings possible - ever!
 
Jennifer, being ever hopeful, had planned her return
to South Africa - to marry me, to neatly coincide with her parents (Canadian) summer
vacation, but they had simply declined the invitation to come to our wedding - opting
instead to buy a new power-boat and go on a lavish holiday at that time.
So, without her parents present, I made the decision not to invite any relatives (at all) to our wedding.
My thinking was simply "This is an important day for Jennifer and a very joyous day for both of us and
if she sees any relatives present at our wedding, having a great time, there likely will
be that awkward moment when her parent's absence stands out like a sore thumb and this would be very hurtful to her".
Fortunately we all had a great time and many wonderful memories of the
ceremony and dance and dinner afterwards in a restaurant high
up on the
side of Table mountain, on Francis Drake's "Fairest Cape
of them all" - Cape Town. Much of this day was
arranged by my old girlfriend, "the Blonde
bombshell", the same one I was dating when I first had
met Jennifer, and her older sister, another of my childhood
friends, and what a wonderful job they
did for all of us! It was winter in the southern
hemisphere, and it had been cool and raining all week long, but suddenly,
that afternoon, on our wedding day, the rain clouds disappeared,
blue sky appeared and the sun resumed shining brightly.
Our friend took us to the gardens surrounding the houses of parliament,
where we had our photos taken before proceeded to the
church. It was a most
memorable day!
Jennifer, a
bride in a $30 dance dress ... and what a awesomely beautiful
bride !
 I
know, I was there. These pictures, taken by one of our
University friends with his 35mm camera, barely hint at her
radiance on that day ... but, nice as they are to have, they
just did not do her justice. What a pity that her Mom and Dad
made no attempt to be there for/with their daughter! Normally
one has to prevent Mom and Dad from trying to
"hijack" the wedding ... well, there was simply no
danger of that happening! They shared neither her 21st.
Birthday celebrations, her wedding day or our wedding
celebrations with her, and those opportunities, of being there
to see their daughter blossom into adulthood, are irrevocably
lost, foolishly squandered by them. Ultimately they made
Jennifer painfully aware that she stood "all alone"
in her pursuit of personal growth, success, love,
happiness marriage, and family, and that she could NOT count
on them for ANY support. Back in 1979, this would have simply
been a rather sad statement of reality. Now, some 30 yrs after
we met and fell in love, sadly, this observation must be
re-categorized as a "Prophetic understatement
of their intentions" ... for now it all seems quite mild
and passive when compared with what really lay ahead for our
love, life and family. You know, it boggles my
mind! Personally I think it was that part about "Who gives this woman to be
his lawful wedded wife?" that kept Jennifer's mother away
and had her, as ruling Matriarch, stop Jen's father
from being there too. As a woman, not having one's Dad present
and active in the wedding ceremony (let alone your mother)
sure does Rain on your parade and, of course, that is
exactly what it was designed to do ! All the same, I guess that
ensures that Jennifer's
mother will be remembered as a much more mean-spirited woman, than Jennifer's grandfather was a
mean man - and by all accounts, he really was a mean old man! What
a pitiful epitaph for this bitter old Victorian lady - in 1
word: "Loser".
So, would it have been smarter for Jennifer and I to just simply
"elope" at age 21/22, when we were at
University ... together, engaged and so very much in love ?
Sometimes we wonder about this. It certainly just seemed to
pose too many dangers for us, at the time, but who knows how
Jennifer really would have reacted ? Over the years, our
circumstances and we ourselves changed, but you will have to continue reading this story to find out
exactly what we eventually did end up doing ... and when.
But now it was a time to celebrate !
 July 1979: All the same, we were just so very happy to
finally be married - after all, it was only 8 years after
first meeting and falling in love. So there, on my
Godfather, Oom (uncle) Corrie's farm,
"Mayfair", in the African bushveld,
we celebrated love's victory, with friends and family ... our family, our friends, me and
the
"Fairest May" of them all, Jennifer May Eloff
... who finally had freely chosen to become my wife ! Well, to say "We were overjoyed, ecstatic and very relieved"
is an understatement !
Love had won and now we could get on with our life together ...
simple ... right? Well yes, but not without many complications. By Christmas of 1979 I had
to leave behind my birth-family, my friends, my country and everything else
I valued (except Jennifer), to bring Jennifer back to her mother, now living with Jen's Dad and
sister near Toronto, Canada. One would think her mother would (at the very least) have said
"Thank you" - and perhaps even treated me half decently ? That would have been nice ...
I'm still waiting.
However, we would like to thank the Canadian Government officials who facilitated our speedy entry into Canada without delay, fuss or bother.
It turned out, in the end anyway, that when it was their turn to help, they placed no undue stress on our relationship, though it could so easily have
happened that Jennifer would have had to return to Canada without me for "who knows how long" while they dealt with my paperwork and with me.
This didn't happen, and by Christmas night we were both in Canada !
Can you even imagine how we would have felt if this had happened and we were
separated again ? We can ...
Two young lovers - finally reunited ... forever ?
 
So, now we were married ...
We were married exactly in the middle of the year
... still a 1/2 year till Christmas and our new life together
in Canada. I was finishing up my Computer science Degree, and
my final exams, which were held in late November, were
approaching fast. Jennifer and I settled back into our old
routine. She found a few temporary jobs in Cape Town, and I
went off to University every day. We were back in our old apartment,
which had not changed since she had left for Canada. It was
such a wonder-filled time, young newlyweds, together
each day ... all alone, blissfully in love! We quickly picked
up from where we had left off, and this time, with the
knowledge that we would soon be headed for Canada - and
(finally) together, Jennifer was lulled into total
serenity, and as a result, our
young love flourished! However, in the isolation, and amid all
that euphoric excitement, we had forgotten all about her mother ... we would soon find out the
difference between:
a "blessing" ... and a
"curse".
You see, we had definitely NOT received her mother's
BLESSING, for our marriage or our love ... but worse yet (in
hindsight) it was clear, we
were soon going to start to feel the insidious effects of a bitter
curse.
One morning, that started out just like the others ...
Jennifer got ready for work and, as always, we lingered at
the door, hugging ... kissing goodbye. I sighed and smiled
happily, returning to my desk, and went about my studies
preparing for my exams, oblivious to the dangers that
lay ahead. Jennifer waked away, happy, much in love, carefree
... cheerful. It was spring in the southern hemisphere, Early
November, 1979. But this was South Africa, and the rules
people lived by were tough, brutal, selfish ... and quite
honestly, often just plain evil ! While I sat studying,
some 10 miles away,
in the city center, for Jennifer, this day was unfolding most wickedly ...
and completely out of my control ... or hers. For me, immersed in my studies,
this
day seemed to pass by in a "blink of an eye" ... and quite
a bit earlier than expected, the doorbell of our apartment
rang, and I went to answer it ...
Jennifer flew into my arms, sobbing, distraught, crushed
... terrorized ! That, for me, was the first inkling that this
infamous day had unfolded quite unlike all the others. It
was such a helpless feeling ! There was nothing that I had
done to cause the sequence of events that had unfolded, and
nothing I could have done to prevent it. As much as I loved
Jennifer and was protective of her, I simply was powerless to
help her in any way until she was returned to me, alive,
something that very nearly did not happen. You know, a lot
happened in our lives as a result of that day, and the effects of it
lingered on and loomed large in our lives for the next several
years, and at times, it still haunts us ... to this very day, but
I have to tell you, like all the other curses we have had to
endure, in hindsight, it is plain to see that while God did allow
some of these curses to unfold as those wishing them on us
had wanted - He also did
ensure that these same curses were turned into blessings,
though I must admit, it was really tough to even try to think
this way at that time.
I did not even know,
till later on that day, just how EXTREMELY close I had come to
having held and hugged and kissed my sweetheart, goodbye, for the very
last time ... ever. On that day, in November of 1979, this entire
love story (that you are now reading), could so very easily
have been concluded simply with these two formidable words ...
"The End".
But, it was
obvious that God had sent a "Guardian angel" with
Jennifer ...
to accompany her to
work, that day, for at that very instant of "no
return" ... Jennifer was saved from certain death ... and I
would have spent my entire lifetime wondering (and never
knowing) why she had died ... only ever knowing how. The difference between being
able to look into those eyes of hers again, and see that gleam
... that lively sparkle, and kiss my sweetheart, Jennifer,
EVER AGAIN (or never again), had rested on, perhaps,
some 2 seconds ... and
three little words uttered by a perfect stranger ... who just
happened to be at the right place at EXACTLY the right time in
Jennifer's life. It's a terribly frightening realization, when
it all gels in one's mind, that in an instant, love, and life
and marriage and dreams and beauty could cease, with absolutely
no recourse, no turning back the clock - even by just
those 2 little seconds, and that those routine words of
farewell, and the hugs and kisses we exchanged at the door of
our apartment on that fateful day, could have been the final
words ever spoken between us ... the final hug, the final kiss
... truly the final
"Goodbye".
It was years
before we developed the necessary understanding to thank God
for the way things did turn out that day and the weeks and
years afterwards - and for Jennifer's life being spared, but
we simply did not know enough then to understand how many
times God has protected us, rescued us ... and loved us so
awesomely well, even when we were, at best, lukewarm
believers and undeserving of His love.
I will not revisit the
particulars of this evil day, anymore than I already have, for
fear it may well just serve to re-terrorize my wife,
but the tenuous nature of life, love, marriage, beauty and
happiness and the continued existence of a couple or a family
should not escape us all. We just never know, when we say
goodbye to your loved ones, that we will ever see them alive
again. So much is out of our control! Now, in hindsight, we
can clearly see why it is so VERY IMPORTANT never to take life
and loved ones for granted ... and to ask God, daily, for His
protection and that of all of the angels of Heaven under his
control !
Jennifer's mother miscalculated ...
we genuinely loved each other.
You see, back at the time when Jennifer's
mother unilaterally decided to move "her" family to
Canada, not only were Jennifer and I in love, we had known each other for many
years now - and we were since engaged to be married. We had
long since
made all the normal marriage commitments to each other, with
Heaven as our witness, had bought the ring, exchanged our vows
and pledges of love and loyalty and we had been living together
as husband and wife for more than a year in a lovely little 1
bedroom apartment in Cape town - one that Jennifer had decorated.
There we had our own
car, telephone, TV, couch, bed etc. - at that time without her
parent's knowledge. There are some very funny stories I can
relate about "all the inevitable sneaking around"
behind the mother's back that had to take place ... but I suspect
now is not the time
and this is not the place. However, if this had not been so, I
doubt very much that Jennifer would have stayed with me in
South Africa to begin with, and, even if she did, I doubt she
would have stuck around long. In fact, we had previously
approached Jennifer's parents with the request to let us get
married, but on each occasion, Jennifer's mother said : "
No ... why don't you wait till later, then we will give you
a lovely big wedding. " My advise to anyone hearing
those words is to interpret " later " as
" I hope it is never going to happen - that she will
leave him first ". Then, go down to your local parish
and ask the vicar to: " Please perform the wedding
ceremony" and "Please give us our marriage papers, so
that we
can get on with our lives" - you are not likely to ever
succeed in getting that mother/father to actually follow
through and stage that " Dream Wedding" that
they keep dangling in front of you. It's just a stalling
tactic - plain and simple! Go and get married! The moral of
the story is that, just like water flowing down a hill finds
it way to the sea, love too will find a way, and parents (or
anyone) trying to stand in the way of true love (or even just infatuation)
will only succeed in pushing the 2 young lovers closer
together - sometimes even surer and faster than what is
prudent or desirable, or what would have happened otherwise.
(CONTINUE READING
the next chapter)
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